BigLaw Associates Like Being Greedy

We’re greedy. We know it. We have a board dedicated to our greed. We’re greedy about how much we make and our bonuses. But, we should also be greedy about our severances.

While we here at Stuff BigLaw Associates Like are still employed (for now), we are definitely thinking ahead about our severances, god willing we don’t get there though.

But we spent 3+ years studying the law in addition to the mandatory 4+ years of undergrad. That’s 7 years before we even get to the first rung of the ladder and that’s not including the grueling studying for the bar exam, taking the damn thing, and waiting for results (if I have to fill out another character and fitness application asking me everywhere I’ve lived since I was 16, I will go guerilla on someone’s ass) to just be shown the door because some idiot(s) couldn’t manage their business well enough to know how many peope to hire or how to keep client business to make sure the people they hire have enough work.

It’s not our fault for the lack of work or low billables. It’s yours. It’s yours and I hope you know this as you hand us our pink slips so that you can keep up your overindulgent lifestyle because we know it. Don’t hide behind stealth lay offs (and kudos to the BigLaw firms that have admitted to lay offs) or performance based lay offs. Law is not that difficult. If you want to work and want to learn, you should be able to perform competently. It’s the market. It’s the fact that our fearless firm leaders are bad business people and got too arrogant of their own success that they thought they were untouchable. 

We here at Stuff Big Law Associates Like feel the worse for those whom BigLaw firms hired who had offers from other places that are more stable (and less arrogant) but turned down the other offers for BigLaw only to find their overqualified butts on the street. Yes, they were probably being greedy and distracted by the glitter of BigLaw that was stuffed down our throats like most little monkeys are but as we all know, not everything that glitters is gold. Soemtimes it’s shit straight from a bull’s ass.

Don’t believe it when they tell you it’s performance based and try to screw you on your severance. Be greedy.  We became lawyers because we’ were potentially greedy. BigLaw chose us because the potential in us they saw just like Anakin. They trained us well in the ways of greed. So be greedy when it comes to your severance. Don’t leave with your tail between your legs.


2 Responses

  1. HAHAHA!! Nice

  2. how the hell do you people still have jobs?? well, it was a good read anyway! come visit my blog:

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