Being Label Whores

BigLaw Associates like to be label whores.  This goes hand in hand with our rankings post; however, it is slightly different. Yes, the firm we work at, the law school we went to, and the size of our dick are all great things that we like to talk about ad nauseum to compete with our fellow bonobos. But, labels, my friend, are what sets us apart immediately. We don’t wear our law school’s ranking on our sleeve (though some of you pompous jackasses where school rings or pins or have your stupid coffee cups scattered all in your office) but we can do that with rankings.

But with labels, any proletariat will automatically know we are royalty without having to memorize the top ranked schools on US News.

Whether it be the Ferragamo business card holder, the gucci cuff links, the prada sunglasses, the dolce shoes, we love them all. It doesn’t matter that Cadwaladar put 96 attorneys on the chopping block and we could be next. We gotta roll like we got ’em and to do that, we have to blow money on labels. You might even call them lawbels. They come with the territory. You can’t just sling a Coach purse. You need a Chloe. You can’t just wear Gap frenches, you need Armani.

This keeps the law students and the summer associates awing and ooing and kissin gour feet and willing to do all sorts of sexual favors. It keeps hostesses at chain restaurants throw themselves at us when we walk in (only to walk out because we can’t be seen at a chain restaurant).

Yes, these lawbels are what sets us apart from the civilians. and believe me, just like the lady buying a stairway to heaven, we believe everything that glitters is gold that hangs from us because we just dropped a shit load of cold hard cash on it. And there is nothing that says “I have money and you don’t” from across the room than gucci, ferragamo, chloe, miu miu, and all those lawbels we, BigLaw Associates, whore about with.

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2 Responses

  1. Too funny.

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