Word of the Day

BigLaw Associates like Merrium-Webster’s Word of the Day. Today’s word of the day is:

epigone: follower, disciple; an inferior imitator

That’s right. We’re not talking about partners liking this, because they obviously do. Why else would they surround themselves with associates and summer associates at happy hours and firm functions? It’s because Id’s middle brother, Ego, can get one off. But who likes epigones more than partners? that’s right. Mid Level associates. They are the ones that are no longer junior associates (so no longer wet themselves at night) but still don’t know enough that nobody gives them any real respect above or below them. Senior associates know way more than them, were the lead on a few cases or deals, and have good rapport with partners (or else they would have gotten then boot years ago) and can’t concern themselves with the egos of the bourgeois midlevel associate class.

So the midlevel has nothing else to do but to turn on wee little junior associates. But they don’t outright lay the smack down on them, but instead, talk themselves up, talk loudly, talk big, and generally just talk about how great they are to the little junior associates. The more naive the junior associate, the more the bourgeois class likes them. They take the time to “mentor” the junior associates, but are really trying to “brain wash” them.

They use phrases like:

“When I was in your shoes years ago…”
“In order to succeed at this firm you…”
“Don’t worry, stick with me and you’ll be fine…”
“You can learn alot from me…”
“I’m in good with X partner…”

They become school yard bullies, but not the normal ones where the bully is some fat redheaded asswipe because to be a bully you have to be somewhat in shape, but the german kind of take you hostage, brain wash you, sort of Stockholm-syndrome type of bully. They try so hard to control the juniors and make them into epigones. With a legion of junior epigones, the midlevel can feel like he has some sort of worth (but he doesn’t because partners still think he is as annoying as toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe).

And if ever their epigones wise up and realize that the midlevel is just a fat fuck and not only has grasped the stone from his palm but chucked it at his fat big head, oh the wrath and fury the midlevel will show upon his once beloved grasshopper. He will throw whatever weight he can onto the former epigone, but luckily for the junior, the midlevel has no such weight (unless its physical weight because he is most likely a fat ass). And good thing for the junior, both the junior and the midlevel are fungible and The Man doesn’t care about what either one of them says.

I say, Epater Le Bourgeois you sons of bitches.


2 Responses

  1. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Damn you, junior associate, if you are cursed with the misfortunte of knowledge. How dare you know that a better life exists elsewhere. How dare you not deify me! Join the masses. Drink the kool-aid. Praise and kiss my ass while doing it. You fungible fucktard!

    I, the midlevel associate, was once where you are. Fortunately for me, I’m cursed with ignorance and actually think I’m the shit because I work at Big Law (this works for mid-sized boutique too). (Un)luckily I’m so fungible that no one has taken enough notice of/care about me to inform me that I don’t matter and my work quality is poor. I’ll never be partner, but I don’t know that. I, generally, suck ass.

  2. And that’s why I hate castrati….Maybe we need to go ahead and do a cut deep post about them. No one makes life as an associate more miserable than the mid-level or senior associate who everyone knew from day 1 was not partnership material. This person loves to judge you for your grammer or your inability to fax a fucking document…not realizing that the only reason they know how to fax documents so well is because they’ve spent 4-8 years as somebody’s bitch. And there are these things on Word called grammer and spell check, and these people in the office called secretaries and word processors. The fact that they’re still doing that by hand themselves shows what a complete and total fucktard they are.

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