PWLTCD: The Pompous First Year

Yes, you went to [generic elite law school] or maybe you didn’t, yeah, you got a 180 on  your LSAT or maybe you didn’t, but whatever your reason for being a pompous first year, that all don’t mean shit in the big toilet bowl of BigLaw. So you’re a super big minow. You’re still a damn minow. So shut up and sit down before I slap you with the back of my hand like the bitch you are.

Yes, you can recite Barbri’s long outline, but if you continue to argue with me about how to draft a security agreement, I’m going to throw a book at your head. Yes, you can recite Posner, but if you argue with me about how to write a brief, I’m going to duct tape you to the floor and step on you.

Yes, you are now a “hot shot lawyer” in your mind at “generic BigLaw firm” but most people drop out, or thanks to Cadwaladar, get the pink slip within the first 1-3 years at BigLaw.  Yeah, you were the big man on campus in law school or maybe you weren’t, you played college football or you were first chair bassoon player. Whatever your history, you’re still a fungible first year associate that doesn’t know shit. You’re what we call a “short-timer.”

And until you realize and admit you don’t know shit and start nodding and smiling at me and eating everything I tell you, I’m going to come up from behind you and cut you and cut you so deep that I will go to jail.


2 Responses

  1. who is worse? the pompous first year or the pompous summer associate from [generic elite law school] who also don’t know sheeyat.

  2. The first year. The summer associate is the butt of everyone’s jokes, might not get an offer and is only there for a discrete amount of time. The pompous first year will probably be the last one standing and evolve into an undeserving midlevel, castrati, or 1L Partner.

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