Pens

BigLaw associates like pens.* Especially gel pens. And blue gel pens. Litigation attorneys like blue pens because they can easily tell which document has the original signature. Corporate attorneys like blue pens because after staring at thousand pages of little black words on white 8 1/2 X 11 paper, they want to cut themselves just to see color…if it weren’t for the blue pen that helps them circle misplaced commas.

BigLaw associates, however, do not like facilities people. They are pen bastards. They refuse to give you more than one blue pen at a time. So, we are forced to go to Target, Office Depot, Walgreens, Duane Reade, CVS, and whatever the hell place sells pens looking for the perfect blue pen. We prefer the .03 to .05 fine blue pen so we can fit more angry comments between the lines when editing the other side’s documents or analyzing the other side’s arguments in their poorly written briefs (amateurs). The hard core Biglaw associate will do no work without the right kind of pen. In fact, Biglaw associates have been known to waste countless billable hours searching for just the right pen.

Not one rollerball or gel pen in the entire stack.  If he were my secretary Id fire him.

Not one rollerball or gel pen in the entire stack. If he were my secretary I'd fire him.

While one might reflect on how sad our lives have become as BigLaw associates as our source of joy has dwindled into buying and using a brand new blue pen, but we don’t have time for that. We are busy writing with said blue pens. We are writing: our thoughts on the deal, notes during a deposition, comments on documents, instructions to our secretaries, our suicide note, our notes while trying not to fall asleep during a boring ass conference call, proof-reading our own documents, proof-reading our own suicide letters, proof-reading each other’s suicide letters, and other such documents that cross our desks on a daily basis.

*Note: Biglaw associates actually prefer mechanical pencils above all other writing utensils. However, the mechanical pencil is so hard to come by (I remember getting 2 my first day at the firm. Oh, the days…) that they are not even mentioned in the halls of firms. To get a mechanical pencil you must be sleeping with one or all of the facilities people, possibly simultaneously. And if you manage to hold onto the mechanical pencil don’t even think about asking for replacement led. That is why the mechanical pencil is the stuff of law firm legends.

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One Response

  1. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

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