Partners

Because every biglaw associate is a masochist, there is no one they love more than partners.  The biglaw associate’s love of partner often begins over a summer.  The unknowing law student enters a law firm for a clerkship, some thinking they would never sell out and work for the man when it happens–they meet THE partner–the one who is “just like them” only richer.  THE partner has stuck to their roots.  They still vote democrat, spend time with their children, live in big awesome house, has a spouse that they love, etc….  But what this summer associate doesn’t realize is that THE partner is probably hated by the partners that are really in charge and will be fired (or will jump off the building in frustration) before they ever start their first day.

But after becoming enamored with biglaw (or better yet, after getting in hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt and experiencing a ridiculously large pay check), the associate transfers their love for THE partner to all partners in general.  The biglaw associate thinks that in every transaction or case they work on with partners at their firm they are clearly better lawyers than the lawyers at the other firm.  The biglaw associate is mistaken because: (1) the partners that stay at biglaw firms often aren’t that bright and are usually just white and male; and (2) if they are facing a midsized or small law firm on the other side, the lawyers on the other side are probably just associates because the partners at those firms actually have real work to do.   This is of no consequence to the biglaw associate.  They have bought into the system and believe that if they worship the partner then someday they too can become a partner.  They will do anything to receive the love of the partner.  They will work 350 hours a month, they will lose all their friends, they will join every committee and bar association the partner adores. They will sell out their co-workers and betray their heritage.  All for the false adoration from someone who only cares how many hours they bill and how those hours affect their points or sharing ratio.

All the while, the biglaw associate is too clueless to realize that a very few will ever attain the coveted partner status–and when they achieve their goal most will be as miserable as they were as associates.  Some biglaw associates get a clue and realize that to the partner they are only a well trained comma checking document reviewing monkey and they get out before it’s too late.  But most merely evolve into self-loathing yet self-aggrandizing assholes, i.e. they become lawyers.

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2 Responses

  1. I love my partners. My partners love me. We are one big happy family.

  2. if partners are your family that’s quite possiblybthe saddest thing ive ever heard. Expect to be orphaned around year 7 or so.

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