Self-Evaluations

Being the pompous self centered assholes that we are, there is nothing the biglaw associate enjoys more than the self-evaluation. Once a year (or twice a year if we’re lucky) law firms demand associates to look back on their performance and explain exactly why we deserve our soon to be deflated salaries (or, in [...]

BigLaw Associates Like Blowing Money….Still

I know all of you guys are pretty scared right now about your jobs but let’s not forget that we are BigLaw associates because we like to blow money big time. It’s funny because in light of the market and all the waves of lay offs, you people should be saving saving saving. But, almost [...]

BigLaw Associates Don’t Give a Shit About Law Students

Today, we’d like to change gears a little bit and ask you guys what you like. Above The Law has degenerated into a forum of mud flinging against law firms (which we here at Stuff Big Law Associates Like wholeheartedly praise) but also babble about law students cleaning up after themselves in the cafeteria. We [...]

PWLTCD: Koolaid drinking dumbasses

Today, let’s talk about people we’d like to cut and cut deep and go to jail for (PWLTCD). And, tada!, it’s koolaid drinking dumbasses. You know who you are. Can you really say that your gigantic firm that cannot spoon you at night or hold your hair back while you vomit from drinking too much [...]

BigLaw Associates Like Being Greedy

We’re greedy. We know it. We have a board dedicated to our greed. We’re greedy about how much we make and our bonuses. But, we should also be greedy about our severances.
While we here at Stuff BigLaw Associates Like are still employed (for now), we are definitely thinking ahead about our severances, god willing we [...]

We love this article…

Thought you might enjoy it too:
Let’s All Play Biggest Loser, BigLaw Edition
New York Lawyer
March 25, 2009
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By The Snark
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ATLANTA – Who will be next? And what determines who gets to remain an over-paid associate and who must go forth into the scary world [...]

Homogeny

Yes, BigLaw Associates like homogeny. It’s not so much that WE like it, but the procrustean man likes it. While we’re all freaking out about losing our jobs (but for some reason we the authors still have jobs and still have time to post on this blog–life is unfair. suck it) let’s examine the BigLaw [...]

Shameless Self-Promotion

Given the fact that we’re writing this blog, this post is definitely a situation of the proverbial pot calling the kettle black…or at least of the pot acknowledging that both it and the kettle are black. Either way, we feel it is a good time to talk about a Biglaw Associate’s favorite thing–self-promotion. We read [...]

BigLaw Associates Like Goodbye Emails

BigLaw Associates like Goodbye emails. In light of the current economy, we here at Stuff BigLaw Associates Like, have been drafting goodbye emails in anticipation of being laid off (or, for those who have already been laid off, feel free to use our emails):
Dear [Random Ass BigLaw Firm]:
After [x] years at the Firm, I have [...]

The Man

 

Why do BigLaw Associates like The Man?  Why drink the koolaid? Why believe The Man when he tells you you have nothing to worry about in this market? The Man doesn’t give a shit about you, why else do you think they give you a 6 figure number to keep track of your billing, when [...]

Blame

The only thing a biglaw associate enjoys more than taking credit for another associate’s work is blame.  Biglaw associates like blame so much that they will seek out an opportunity to blame someone else when they aren’t even being accused of doing anything wrong.  The most saavy biglaw associate will anticipate a crisis and immediately [...]

Dear Biglaw: am I safe?

We haven’t done an advice column in a while, but the recent economic developments have generated a few gems worth responding to.  Here’s our favorite:
Dear Biglaw:
Should I be worried about my job?  i got the best evaluation I’ve ever had in my life.  It was truly fucking awesome.   I’m on cloud 9 and think I really [...]

Don’t Settle!

BigLaw Associates like to acquiese. We like to settle. We’re like those couples that you see that live together and are boring and bored of each other. They’ve been with each other for a year or two, they might have moved in with each other to save on rent, and are now in a cycle. [...]

Speculation

BigLaw Associates love to speculate. We speculate on everything, mainly because we like to hear the sound of our oh-so-sexy voice. We speculate on everything, like how fast it will be to get that chick into bed. Or what color her panties are. Or, an even more impossible thing for us to actually know anything [...]

PWLTCD: The IT Guy

Again, what is Stuff BigLaw Associates Like if it doesn’t have another installment of PWLTCD. That is, people we’d like to cut and cut deep and go to jail for.
The IT guy. Wait, not all IT guys. Just the IT guys at the help desk you have to call after hours because everyone else has [...]

BigLaw Associates Like Smoke

BigLaw Associates Like Smoke and little catch phrases to recite very loudly to unsuspecting women, men hitting on the hot girl we want to hit on, and our “colleagues” whom we don’t respect because we just want to get ahead. We are lawyers. Hear us roar. We wear fancy wool suits and leave the last [...]

BigLaw Associates like the word “attorney”

BigLaw Associates love to say “attorney.” Why? Because it sounds more important than “lawyer” especially in a bar to a poor unsuspecting woman. Along with saying that they’re an attorney, they love wearing their suits (and whatever gucci cuff links or label whore items they can pile on themselves at the same time and possibly [...]

We’re BAAAACK

Dear devoted fans, of which we only have a handful (spread the word people!). We are back! No, we did not get laid off. We have enjoyed spending our ridiculous large BigLaw pay checks and billing 20 hours a week in top drunken form. Expect some more posts shortly!

Sorry. We suck and so does work

The biggest problem with having a blog written by biglaw associates for biglaw associates is that occasionally this thing called work happens.  Concidentally all of our writers have been billing ridiculously the last few weeks.   We’re hoping to get some new material up within a week.

Secretaries

There is nothing the biglaw associate likes more than being served.  That is why biglaw associates love secretaries.  Now the average biglaw associate has nothing substantive to give a secretary to do–they sit at the computer all day so they type everything on their own, nobody likes them enough to ever call them so there’s [...]